#degree, #engineering, #exam, #fail, #fuckmylife, #home, #maths, #motorsport, #universityofbath, Achieving, Aiminghigh, Career, chronic pain, Disability, Goals, Pain, Uncategorized, University

Friday Night Stress

If somebody tells you that university life is a breeze, they are lying through their teeth or they are Stephen Hawking clever. It is Friday night and I am cooked! 2 assignments handed in today one unfinished. It has really made me feel shitty. Studying whilst on pain medication is a tiny bit tricky at times. Everything takes twice as long to do especially when flare-ups mean you have to extra dose.

After March was the Easter holidays, two weeks off from university a perfect time to get ahead on assignments. Seeing as I had an extra one to complete as I had an extension due to the series of unfortunate events in March, studying took a backseat for a couple of weeks.

Well, the muppet writing this made a decision to stop taking pregabalin as well as not using diazepam, Home I using different medicines that I cannot in halls. Gives me a nice break but when the pain gets paid I have to use prescription medicines. Side effects are not always great, but it eases the pain. Prime Catch 22 situation! Damned if I do. Damned if I Don’t.

In comes 10 days of pure feeling like shit, but I was coming off the tablets I couldn’t really achieve much in those ten days, plus I was worried about my dad and a bit upset about Nan so things were about amplified in feeling. This left me with 3 days to do a major assignment. I do not think I done my worst but it could have been better.

This had a knock on effect, I had planned to use the two weeks to get a head start on work, I even bought a desk to sit at. I did not get this done which left an assignment last week which was very CAD heavy, very time-consuming.

I managed to get it finished with minutes to spare, then I started these weeks two assignments, I did not sleep until 0800 the Saturday morning and slept until 1500ish, waste of day before I had even started, being tired I slept early that night. Sunday I was doing assignments and watched Southampton getting kicked out of the F.A cup.

Sunday Night I was sick after eating some chicken got sent home from the university within five minutes of being there. Not helpful when you have assignments on the subject due and an exam coming up.  I tried to do assignments that day did not get a lot done but some. Drive back to Southampton that evening as it was my Gramps birthday on Tuesday and I have a promise to keep.

Made that promise on Tuesday, done some coursework and slept. Went to uni early on Wednesday, very helpful and informative lectures for revision in science. Come back to Lackham and continued to work until 2344. That was me done, there was nothing else I could have done in time. Handed in my Science assignment and downed tools. Like I mentioned before I am done at this moment in time.

I feel so shitty about not getting my assignment finished, I am going to have to spend tomorrow finishing it. I want to finish it I was enjoying it, It should have been done in easter holidays though. I feel like a failure for it, also that I have let myself down.

I just need to have a positive outlook, I am just burned out at the moment. Stressed to the max I just to need to chill and do something different for a little bit. At this moment I could walk away from this course, but I’m not going to. I need this degree, I have just got to work even harder for it. Next year will be different, this year has definitely been a learning curve for me. A very sharp kick in the nuts one might say. It will all be satisfying in the end when I have a career again and am not reliant on painkillers.

I’m getting off the computer now, I need to not look at this poxy screen for a while.

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