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That faithless song about not sleeping

So for past few months I’ve been suffering from a slight bit of insomnia. It’s the worst feeling in the world when all you want to do is goto sleep.

Ever since my accident where my back got fucked up my whole routine has been turned upside down.

My working days went as followed:

  • Wake up 0500
  • Leave for work 0530
  • Work till Tea break at 1000
  • Work up till lunch
  • Lunch is anywhere from 1200 to 1400
  • Work through till 1800
  • Get home shower, food and bed by 2300

This was repeated daily or every day I was working. After the accident I had three years of doing nothing due to being in pain. Like I still am now.

I would stay up for two days at least once a week. I was put on amitriptaline which was great I would get a garenteed eight hour sleep.

Then my tolerance levels rose and it became. Less efficient so my dosage was upped and now I’m on 75mg every night. It helps but it’s not great.

Since starting university my pain levels have raised to what they are and getting comfertable to sleep isn’t easy at times.

Days that assignments are due in I usually end up working till the hand in time. Friday just gone I finished my assignment and went to bed. But I didn’t sleep till 0800 sat morning. This has messed up my sleeping pattern now.

I need to get decent sleep or otherwise I’m shagged for the next few days. Complete fatigue takes over.

I put myself into bed and my brain goes into overdrive. Thoughts about others pass through my mind especially when I am worried about them because of things out if their control.

I have also been worrying alot. My deadlines and exams are creeping closer day by day which is quite a scary thought that I finish uni for the year.

I find that if I’m smoking cannabis I can get a good night’s sleep as it relaxes the body and helps switch off the thinking process. Being at university this is not possible.

I have been worrying about my car because I can not stand the thought of it braking down like it did last week.

I also critically put myself down trying to work out answers to questions that are always looming.

  • Why am I single?
  • Why can I not get a date?
  • Will I ever become a father and start a family?
  • Why am I not good enough to even get a message back on dating sites?
  • Will my spinal pain ever stop?
  • Will I work again?
  • What is wrong with me for nobody to want me?
  • I wish I had someone close to help stopping me feel lonely.
  • Why does life feel like a constant struggle?

This is just an insight to some of my thoughts. It would be so nice just to switch off and goto sleep.

I pine for the life I used to have, fun things happened, I could go out and not get blind drunk because of the medication I need to take.

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