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Back In Southampton

Due to the way my halls of residence work, I have to come back to my parents when it is half term or end of the term. It is nice to be back home but I can definitely notice a spike in my pain levels.

I returned back on Friday evening after taking my friend Jack to pick up his car from the garage it was having its clutch replaced. He and his girlfriend Sinead came up today to try and sort out a gremlin on their vehicle but it seems to have sorted itself out.

The past few days at home I have not done a lot but play video games and chill out and use different medicine to what I have on Campus. That medicine is cannabis in resin form and concentrates vape cartridges. I have noticed that when using this I do not require Diazepam, which I have noticed in the past few weeks my need for it has increased. This is worrying as it is dangerous to develop a dependency and an addiction to it. Some I do not wish to have.

Also using the natural medicine it gives me a break from processed pharmaceuticals such as Tapentadol. One thing that I have noticed is that I am rather confined when I am at my parent’s house.  I do not have the ergonomic furniture that I have on campus leaving me with only my bed or a big reclining armchair. As comfy as it may seem it does not offer the support that other furniture does.

Having to move back and forwards like this is not economic but it gives me a nice break and I get to see friends and family. I have a friend who is home from travelling in Asia had come home unannounced so will be meeting up with him. I also get to see some of my friends who my only contact with is online.

I also get to go to get my hair cut which is at my Gramps old shop. He was a barber for over 60 years till he passed away. The guy that owns it now is Dave, what a smashing guy could not have asked for someone better to take over the shop. I will make a further post about the great men Frank Alfred Prowse. Always known as Alf though because my great Grandad was Frank Prowse as well.

This gives me a sense of warmth and homely feeling. This is welcomed very much so at the moment because of how cold the house feels without my Mum’s Budgie “Blue”. The house feels so quiet because of the lack of his presence. The cage is still in the front room which does not help. It is getting easier each day but as with any loss you still have habits of seeing them and it does shock you when see they are not there anymore.

I wanted to make a point of seeing my father’s mother, My Nanny Pauline. She has got cancer of her liver and bowel. We have not always got on with Dad’s side of the family but that is families for you. So seeing as I was home I wanted to build some memories and take a chance to get some photographs for me and my Dad. Something nice to remember her by rather than then the conflict of the past 32 years. Life is too short for bad memories.

We went to a lovely little cafe/bar/restaurant in Swanick next to millions and millions of pounds worth of luxury yachts. (Still would like to own one someday.) I will own a boat it is on my bucket list and would call it “Alfie’s Dream” because it was always his dream to own a nice little fishing boat along with going to Timbuktu.

That was a nice hour or so spent as a family for a change. You can see she is scared and its starting to affect her quality of life. She has become a complete silhouette of her former self. It reminds me of home Great Nanny Eggy (Agnes Marlowe) and how I remember how she was.  She misses my Grandad John, They were together for over 60 years.

I’m off out for my annual birthday food and taken to town for my niece tomorrow. Scary to think she is fifteen now. She phoned me for a lift home from her friends today so I picked her up and dropped her home as she had to tidy the house before my sister came home from work.

I did not recognise her, she’s not the little Jessica that I remember she is becoming and young woman. Only seems like yesterday that I told her about my Pet royal python “Riot” and she kept it secret as well till my mum found out I bought a snake into the house something I wasn’t supposed to.

She is doing well though could not be a prouder Uncle. She competes at the regional level for track and field events and is so focused and determined which is brilliant to see. I hope she picks somewhere nice to eat tomorrow. It used to be toys she used to by and now its make up. Something I know nothing about so I just have to follow her and pay for what she wants. Shopping with my nephew is much more fun though because we goto comic shops and have a fry up for breakfast.

I am hoping to see black panther on Wednesday at the cinema. although its gonna be valentines day. I have no valentine boohoo me. Never mind one day will be the right day. I’m not fussed I can just high and play video games.

Reading back over this what seems like “oh I am not doing anything” to seeing that I have quite a bit planned, with more time to do activities. Zmm6k

I have also got to fit time in to go and see my Nephew Ozzy as well, I and my sister are not on best terms but I am grown enough to put it behind me. The months are rolling in faster and I have no time for petty squabbles now. Especially as I want to see my nephew and kick his ass at Mario Kart on my SNES. He wins hands down on Sonic and rubs it in too! The kid is good at video games and I have made sure he has a pretty sick console collection.

My pain is high at the moment but I am grinning and bearing it and taking the “I am alright Jack” approach to life at the moment. It is nice to be home. After feeling like a prisoner in this house the past three and some years due to my disability and pain.

Taking baby steps but I am getting there


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