#fail, #pain, #pride, Uncategorized

Pride Over Pain

Having built my self on pride with morales of working hard to get what you want out of life. Asking for help is one of the hardest things in my life that I had to do.

I have worked different jobs from the age of 13 be it a paper round, spud boy in a chip shop (like my Dad did), being a kitchen porter in the rib ranch and working in McDonalds till I started my apprenticeship.

Being left unable to work affected my mental health. Having to apply for government based schemes such as PIP and ESA I found it very hard especially with the fact that I had to go to tribunals just to prove how bad my disability actually affects my everyday life.

I refused to accept I was disabled for the first year as I wanted to return back to my trade and go and work in the middle east. Things did not improve. my health and had the knock-on effect of mental health problems because you are struggling to accept and cope with this new lifestyle.

Being as stubborn as I am I would quite often attempt things I should not have been doing. When failing tasks it leads to a complete sense of feeling worthlessness because it was things I should have been able to do. Dropping things when cooking, not being able to get in the bath, falling over made me question whether I should carry on living.

In my eyes, they were easy tasks that I now had to ask for help with it felt embarrassing. Being an engineer it is in my nature to improvise. Which I discovered many different ways of helping with everyday life after a very good friend of mine enlightened me with tips and tools as she herself had been coping with a change in life to being less abled then before.

Since receiving this help I have brought many different appliances to help me in my everyday life.  Using these tools have given me some sense of still being able to be independent and retain some of my pride.

If there is one thing I have learnt throughout the whole of this is to not to be afraid to ask for help. Yes it may bruise my pride, but if it stops me causing unnecessary extra pain to my life I will quite happily accept the help that is offered.

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